Why people remain in sin and bondage

By Dr. David Kyle Foster —

One of the most frustrating times in ministry is when you pour your heart and wisdom into someone, to help them get free from a sin problem, and they fail to change. Such moments drag you through all kinds of thoughts and emotions – e.g., “Have I failed?” “Is what I’m teaching true?” “Is this person an exception?” “Am I being taken for a ride by someone who doesn’t really want to be free?” It can really take the wind out of your sails to live with this kind of self-doubt and confusion.

As reluctant as we may be to draw such a conclusion, there may be no other but to recognize that the enemy is using our brother or sister to sap us of the faith and vision that God has for the overall vision and call on our lives. That being the case, it is important to recognize as quickly as possible those cases where people are seeking freedom and transformation without being willing to do what it takes.

I use to be the “Floor Pastor” and trainer for the Los Angeles area counseling center of the “700 Club”. One day we discovered that we had a serious problem. Our phone counseling was going on so long with some callers (sometimes an hour or more per call) that the entire CBN telephone ministry was threatened with bankruptcy. The obvious solution was to shorten the phone conversations. But how? Upon seeking the Lord for an answer, He gave me two questions to ask every caller in the early stages of the conversation:

1. “Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get healed, delivered, transformed, etc? “

2. “What exactly would you like God to do for you right now? “

As we asked these two questions of each caller, the focus of the conversation shifted from the problem to the power, provision and intention of the Lord to bring permanent healing and change. It increased our expectation that God was actually going to give us something concrete to respond to in the midst of our prayer. And sure enough, when we turned to God for answers with this newfound expectant faith, He gave them to us. In fact, it opened a virtual floodgate of words of wisdom and knowledge from the Lord on behalf of the callers.

The phone conversations shortened considerably. What happened was that those who were calling just to talk or get sympathy for their situation but who did not really want to change were suddenly confronted with having to take Spirit-led (and empowered) responsibility for changing things in their lives and many realized that they didn’t want to. They were getting too much affirmation and attention by remaining dysfunctional and they weren’t about to do anything that would jeopardize that. Within a very short time, such people stopped calling, and our phone time per caller dropped significantly. The ministry was saved and it continues on to this day offering prayer and ministry to those who really need it and who want to change.

How often do you minister with someone who has a sin problem and are unable to do or say anything that will bring permanent change to their life? Let me suggest that what you probably have is a person who either doesn’t know what to do to get free, or who is unwilling to do what it takes to get free. Those same two diagnostic questions that the Lord gave me at the “700 Club” may help you to get to the bottom of things with your counselee.

When people are unwilling to do what it takes to get free, they usually don’t tell you that. You need to regularly ask God for discernment in this area. Many people who are unwilling to do what it takes, aren’t even aware of that fact. They really believe that they are willing and yet are self-deceived.

I regularly find areas in my life where I am fooling myself into believing that I want something when I really don’t. For example, I remember begging God in tears for over a decade to free me from a particular habitual sin. Tears, mind you. Begging! One day as I was crying out for deliverance, the power of God fell on me and I knew that the struggle was finally over. God had filled me with a supernatural power that would permanently remove that sin from my life. And yet, as soon as I realized that this meant that I would never again have that sin to turn to, from deep within my heart came the words, “Oh, no!” You see, when I realized that God was playing for keeps, I was finally able to admit to myself that I really didn’t believe that I could live without that sin. Deep inside, I was convinced that I had to have that sin as an escape mechanism in my life. And, in fact, I turned away God’s delivering power and embraced the sin again. The layers of self-deception in that area had been so carefully constructed that I had for years believed that I wanted freedom from a sin that I still loved and wanted.

The mind and heart of man has an amazing capacity for self-deception, which is why the second diagnostic question that God gave me for the “700 Club” prayer ministry can be so very helpful: “What exactly would you like God to do for you right now?” This question gives both you and the person you are trying to help a tangible way to test their true, inner will. It also enables you to see more clearly when God has answered a prayer, because if you have been specific in your request and the answer comes, then it is all the more obvious that God did it. He then receives the praise, instead of the “spirit of coincidence”.

Since that time at CBN, I have done a considerable amount of one-on-one and group counseling through the ministry God has given me to sexually broken people and I have learned that the reasons for people’s failure to realize freedom from the sins that beset them are more numerous than those two diagnostic questions can account for. One day I was commiserating over my failure to succeed with a particular counselee and I asked the Lord what the most common reasons were that explained why certain people did not get free. He gave me seven of them.

Many of us want God to free us from one area of sin while we remain unwilling for Him to free us from another. For example, I can spend years crying out to God to deliver me from an addiction to pornography, yet if I am unwilling for Him to deliver me from lying, I have missed the point. Now, God may choose to deliver me from one sin even while I continue in another, but that is His prerogative based on a lot of considerations of which I am totally ignorant. However, if I try to “selectively” live the Christian life, it should not surprise me if He does not respond to such prayers.

I believe that this is one of the biggest reasons why God does not deliver us from particular sins that are a concern to us. We remain unwilling to cooperate with Him in delivering us from other sins that He has already made known to us. God wants us to commit to holiness across-the-board. As the Holy Spirit brings them to our attention, no area of sin must remain untouched. Walking in the Spirit and in the power of the Kingdom of God requires a full on commitment to holiness. We’re not talking about performance here (i.e., sinless perfection), but rather, the intention of the heart and the setting of the heart permanently toward the God of absolute holiness and power.

If we shy away in incredulity at such a prospect, it is because we somehow believe that it has to be our righteous effort that will carry it off, and we know that we are incapable of such a feat. However, the truth was and is and will remain, that God offers to infuse us with His righteous power to “keep us from falling” (Jude 1, 24) and to make us “eager to do what is good” (Titus 2:14). We not only have salvation by grace, but sanctification by grace as well. Having already given us everything we need (2 Pet 1:3), it is God’s purpose to empower us to walk holy “in this present age” (Titus 2:12).

Those we counsel as well as the church at large need to make this commitment to walk holy in every area of life. It is our call, our witness and the glory of God to make it so. Though we tend to shy away from committing to something we know we cannot do, once we have made the commitment, we will discover that God is faithful to empower the keeping of it. Our results waver only as our faith and resolve waver. But God remains constant.

Many are ignorant or unbelieving when it comes to the knowledge of God’s power, His will and purpose for our lives here on earth, as well as our authority and capability under His guiding and delivering hand. Most need reminding. There are many good books in this area that have been published over the years – most notably Neil Anderson’s The Bondage Breaker and Tom Marshall’s Free Indeed. Much of the counseling process for such people is a matter of educating them on who they are in Christ and what God has given them authority to do and be.

This is an area of “faith” that we must pursue and receive revelation on from the Father. In a very real sense, we need to receive for ourselves the “faith of God” (Mk 11:22), which is a gift from God (Eph 2:8). We need to have God’s level of faith. We need to pursue God and wrestle with Him until He blesses us with great faith (Gen 32:26). Part of this pursuit of faith is accomplished through practicing the presence of God (discussed under reason # 5), and part is accomplished through what I call, “truth therapy”. “Truth therapy” involves regular meditation on the truths of scripture – in this case, those that contradict what we are feeling and experiencing in our battle with sin.

The fact is, our natural thoughts and feelings lie to us constantly. One day I was teaching a seminar, and a woman abruptly stood up and walked out of the room. I was immediately assaulted with thoughts and feelings of failure. I thought to myself: “What did I say to offend her?” “What an insensitive lout I am!” “I’ve got no business even teaching when I am so obviously deficient in basic interpersonal sensitivity!” On and on my mind went as I began to feel like and believe that I was a first class failure. In just a matter of seconds, right there in the middle of my lecture, I became depressed and defeated. Minutes later, the same lady came back into the room and slipped into her chair. She had been to the bathroom.

When I fail to become planted in the ground of my identity in Christ, His call on my life and His empowerment of that call, I am a sitting duck for the lying thoughts and feelings that periodically invade my soul.

People who fail to embrace the truth of who they are and what they have in Christ are often people who are so enslaved to their feelings that they are incapable of believing anything else. Many are unaware that they can say “No” to feelings and emotions. They think it would be hypocritical or artificial to do so. They are sorely deceived and need to put Christ and His truth on the throne of their lives and learn how to deny and put down the tyranny of the god of emotion. This is not to suggest that they deny their feelings and emotions, but that they discern lying ones, and put them away with the truth that comes from God and His Word.

“Truth therapy” also involves worshiping Christ with our focus on those very attributes of His that we need. Do we need purity of mind, heart and action? Then we need to worship Him for His purity. We need to see Him “through the eyes of our heart” in His holiness. In Ephesians 1:18 Paul prays that, “. . . . the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.” It is through this very enlightenment that we receive the faith to believe and to appropriate the power over sin.

Do we feel powerless against sin? Has the omnipresence of the power of evil in our world tricked us into believing that evil is more powerful than good? If so, we need to repeatedly meditate on and worship the Lord for His power. As we feed these truths into our mind and spirit, they become more real to us. We begin to believe that they are available to us and that they can be built into us by God.

Faith is an indispensable conduit in the flow and outpouring of God’s power and kingdom life. Without faith, as the scriptures say, “It is impossible to please God” (Heb. 11:6). We need faith to fully believe in the power of God, in the goodness of God, in His unconditional love for us, in the grace that He extends toward us when we sin, in His concern for us, in the intention of His will to make us holy, in the truth of His Word and in all of the other promises and statements about Him and about life.

Once a person has become fully persuaded of the truth behind God’s power and our authority in Him, then freedom from sin becomes a matter of the will. Many people simply are not willing to do what it takes, even with God providing all of the healing and delivering power. They love the sin too much – usually because they don’t fully realize, deep within their spirit, that God loves them completely, no matter what they have done, nor how many times, and that He can meet their need better than the sin can.

They need to know that despite continued sin and failure in their life, God’s loving arms are still extended out to them with as much love and compassion as if they had been living in perfect victory from day one – as if they had never sinned! They need to truly understand that God’s love and acceptance for those who have put their faith in His Son Jesus is not now, nor ever will be, contingent upon their behavior. They must embrace the truth of His unconditional love, for it is from believing in this truth that they are empowered and motivated by love not to sin. Dudley Hall has written an excellent book on this called, Grace Works.

This message of the power of grace is most clearly given in Titus 2:11-12, where the Apostle Paul says, “It is the grace of God . . . . that teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives.” How does the grace of God do that?

One day I was busily engaged in a sin, (probably for the 10,000th time), and the Holy Spirit spoke to me, saying, “You know, if you will turn to Me right now, I will love you, forgive you and embrace you.” I can remember thinking at the time, “That’s ridiculous! I’m in the middle of a sin here!” And I ignored the voice of God and continued on. When I had finished my sin, the Holy Spirit again spoke to me and said, “You know, if you will turn to Me right now, I will love you, and forgive you and embrace you.” It seemed like such an unreal thing to be hearing, and deep inside I knew it could only be God. I was so intrigued over the possibility that the voice might really be God that I turned to Him in my spirit to see if He would really have me back after I had refused to abort my sin at His first entreaty. When I turned to Him, to my utter surprise and amazement, He swamped me with a wall of love. It was clear to me that my sin was completely irrelevant to Him – that all He really wanted, and all He had ever wanted, was for me to turn to Him and receive His love. It was an awesome moment, as my heart was melted by His unconditional love and grace. I left the room completely changed. He had so taken my heart by His love that I now wanted to do what He wanted me to do. I no longer was suspicious that He was some control freak, out to rob me of my freedom. I was now convinced that He was always and only concerned with one thing – loving me.

God changed my heart simply by loving me unconditionally. He had broken the power of sin and had transformed my will through grace – taking me from rebellion to submission. I now wanted to do what He wanted. I now fully believed in His loving heart toward me. I was now ready to believe whatever He said and do whatever He suggested. Titus 2:11-14 had come true in my life in those brief moments as God revealed His unconditional heart of love and grace toward me.

How does the grace of God teach us to say “No” to ungodliness and to live a godly life? By breaking our heart over the relentlessly unconditional love that the Savior holds out to us in spite of our sin. As a result, we fall more and more in love with Him. Our desires change from wanting the impurity of the world to wanting whatever such a wonderful Savior wants. We come to admire Him, to love Him, to believe more deeply in Him, and to desire what He wants. Our hearts are changed from the inside out. Instead of operating out of the willful self-effort of performance, we now operate out of pure heartfelt desire and faith, knowing from the depths of our being that what God wants is without a shred of doubt what we want.

As far as those of us who have been changed in this way are concerned, God is immanently trustworthy and designs His commands around only one principle – what is best for us, His dearly beloved children. Meditating on the proof of His love – His sacrificial , agonizing death on the Cross – is always helpful in coming to believe these things. Satan will try to use the tragedies of our life to persuade us differently about God, but meditating on the Cross has greater power to overcome Satan’s lies. Jesus’ demonstration of love through the Cross is inescapable and incomprehensible except that He did it out of love for mankind.

What we really have been talking about in this third area of counseling for someone in bondage, is how God’s unconditional love results in a transformation of the will. As fallen men and women, we too often strive to correct our will through logic and independent self-effort, which eventually fails. God’s way is to change our will through the irresistible power of unconditional love. He then will receive the glory for our eventual choice to do His will. “For it is God who is at work in us both to will and to do that which is according to His good purpose” (Phil 2:13).

When our will has been transformed by the power of almighty God, we find that we have also gained two crucial products of a sanctified will – persistence and obedience. We obey Him because we love Him (Jn 14:23-24). Our obedience is born out of being fully persuaded by love, not by duty or performance. We are persistent in our pursuit of Him for the same reason – we have been irresistibly drawn by the glory of His love. Without persistence, we cannot get very far in walking with God in holiness (ref. Jer. 29:13; Heb. 11:6), which holiness is a promise from God for this life as well as the next – as it says in Galatians 5:16: “Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

Those who come for help are often spiritually naive and think that their sin problem will go away once you’ve cast out some demon or called to God for that special delivering anointing that will finally rid them of their temptation and sin.

The first counsel that must be given to such believers is that their healing will be a process – a process with a purpose. Even those of us (and I am one of them) who receive an initial, powerful deliverance from the power that certain sins have over us still have a long process of healing to look forward to – a process in which God shows us the root causes of our behavior, the root needs that we are trying to meet, and His more perfect provision to meet those needs. Most of us look at the idea of process with impatience and gloom. We want healing and perfection now! But God is wiser than that. He sees the benefits for us that can only be derived through process. For example, through this process of healing, we develop a relationship of love and dependence on God because we have need to turn to Him often for power over temptation. In the midst of turning to Him often for help, He becomes more real to us. His promises and His presence becomes practical, almost tangible. We get to know Him better. He goes from being one who theoretically loves and empowers us, to one who engages in the deepest fabric of our lives – and that is what life is all about.

Yes, we are to be holy as He is holy – and that is a primary goal and directive. However, the greater goal of knowing Him intimately, is what brings about the goal of holiness. This is clearly stated in 2 Peter 1:3 – “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.” And so, it is from our “knowledge” (deep intimate knowing) of Him that everything we need for life and godliness is made manifest.

With the healing of our relationship with God comes the healing of our relationships with others. One flows naturally out of the other, for in our intimate moments with God, He reveals to us the roots of our broken relationships with people and empowers us toward resolution and healing. Bondage is essentially a problem of broken relationships – first with God, and second, with human beings. As these are made healthy, we are made healthy.

Another reason that healing must often be a process is that we are so very ignorant of the complex web of contributing sins that underlie our behavior. We need to learn what these sins are and be persuaded to respond accordingly to what God has shown us. For example, many people who are entrapped in the sin of pornography are unaware that one of the foundational pillars to their surface sin is the very serious crime of “idolatry”. If I am unaware that I am engaged in idolatry, then I am not going to confess and repent of that sin, am I? Consequently, no matter how much I plead with God to “deliver” me from the sin of pornography, He cannot, because the deeper sin that fuels the behavior remains.

And so, we see the immense benefit and undeniable necessity behind God’s decision to make most of our deliverance from sin a process of revelation, repentance and transformation of the will through coming to know Him as He really is – which brings us to the next reason why some people do not get free from their sin.

Many of us fear intimacy. It’s where we got hurt. It’s where we got shot down. It’s where we are painfully vulnerable.

It amazes me how, when I teach on this topic, people kind of smile patient smiles while they wait for me to go onto something more “practical” for them. For most people, most Christians even, intimacy with the Father is just a romantic notion. They don’t see it as a real possibility. Nor do they have any idea how to achieve it or what it will look like when they get it. They’re happy to be given “10 Steps to Holiness” that they can perform in the privacy of their own homes, without that messy “I” word. Besides, intimacy means commitment, and loss of independence. Enough said right there!

It’s almost as if Satan has put a veil over men’s hearts so that they will not do the very thing that will result in their empowerment, freedom and existential fulfillment. At the same time, he’s trying to rob God of the thing that God wants most – intimacy with His children.

To answer the question of “What” intimacy is, we need only point to its appearance in certain human relations. It is two hearts becoming one, two minds thinking together in harmony, two bodies moving simultaneously in service to each other. It is the deepest level of knowing, of loving, of feeling – producing the fruit of inner joy and completion.

How do we achieve such a state with the God no one sees? Foundationally, it has to do with our response of love to the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross and the faith in God that that historic action elicits. This is nurtured through a life-style of worship – something sorely lacking in modern Christian experience. We worship on Sunday, yet if the object of our worship is worthy at all, He is worthy of ongoing, daily worship. And it is in that intimacy of worship that God reveals Himself to us in ways He does not show the common man. It is there that we come to recognize His voice, know His heart, His mind, experience His love, grace and mercy, in the deepest recesses of our hearts. It is there that the “image” is restored – where we receive the transformation of ourselves into the likeness of our Lord – and emerge shining with the glow of His faith, wholeness, holiness, purity and love (2 Cor 3:18).

Intimacy then is established through a life-style of worship and praise – singing love songs to our Lord and gazing upon His glory in the Spirit – practicing His presence with the same persistence and regularity as we would anything else that is necessary for life. It is also created through knowing Him by scriptural revelation – again, a regular feeding on Him, this time, through His written Word, which He, from time to time, brings alive to our mind and heart. Intimacy is thirdly created through the communion of prayer – simply talking to him – spilling our hearts before Him, and then listening for His response. In these and other ways, intimacy comes when being with Him is a greater priority than doing for Him.

Without a growing relationship of intimacy with God, we cannot receive the revelation, the faith and the security of knowing we are loved that enables and empowers a walk of holiness. Without intimacy, permanent, ongoing holiness is impossible because it is in the womb of intimacy with God where He brings forth the new life of holiness in us.

The sixth reason why someone might remain in habitual sin and bondage is that they may have been living in the pride of self-sufficiency and independence from God, and consequently have not learned yet that they are completely dependent on God’s power and wisdom in order to live any kind of meaningful existence. In such a condition, they can neither receive nor use God’s power and grace because they are unaware of their need for it.

Then there are people who have some idea of their need for God, but haven’t understood the full scope of the need yet.

And finally, there are those who theoretically understand their need, but still practice a life of independence from God. To them, humility is a weakness to be avoided and life’s problems are challenges that God expects man to deal with on his own.

Man alone, without a continual interaction of dependence on God, is like an infant left out in the middle of a freeway.

Even what wisdom we do have has come to us from God. We’re like a word processing program on a computer. We are pre-structured to have the capacity to perform certain functions, but without the continual input of an outside force, are virtually useless. Even the pre-structuring comes from that outside force. In like fashion, part of the wisdom that the natural man (who does not know God) seems to have, has been given him by God, and is good and useful – e.g., (E = MC2). The rest of it is of his own design and is pure baloney – e.g., (Darwinian evolutionary theory). As part of a finite creation, we are completely dependent on God to reveal to us what is true as distinguished from what is a product of our own ignorance. We must continually approach the throne of grace not only for forgiveness, but also for knowledge and wisdom. We are far more dependent in this area than we realize, and don’t know anything truly until we have God’s assurance that it is true.

The humility of knowing our limitations as well as the depths to which we have fallen as a part of sinful humanity is extremely valuable currency in the Kingdom of God. Take, for example, the teaching in Luke 7:47, when Jesus noted that a person who has been forgiven much will love much and the one who has been forgiven little will love little. If I live in such a state of pride and arrogance that I’m unaware of just how much a sinner I am, (the state of the Pharisee), then I am not going to love Jesus very much, if at all. In that frame of mind, I don’t believe that there is much to forgive, and so have been forgiven very little. However, the closer I get to Him, the longer I sit at His feet and allow Him to uncover the depths of my sinful heart, the more I am going to grow in the humility of understanding the grace that I stand in, and I will love Him much more.

The same goes for power. Without Jesus, we can do nothing! (Jn 15:5) We cannot heal ourselves spiritually, mentally or physically. We can do nothing unless God empowers and guides us. That holds true especially in the area of sin. Our first response to temptation must always be a heart of utter dependence turned toward God for power and wisdom. Then and only then can we effectively use the tools that He has given us to overcome the evil one.

That brings us to the seventh area in which we might want to counsel someone who appears hopelessly bound in sin. We need to train them in spiritual warfare – the first six lessons of which we have just discussed. They are an indispensable foundation for victory in spiritual warfare. The weapons of our warfare are mighty to pull down strongholds, but only when employed in the ongoing reality of the first six pillars of incarnational relationship and empowerment.

When we turn to the God with whom we have an ongoing, intimate relationship; our will fully persuaded in wanting what He wants because our hearts have been changed by His loving grace; in great faith because we have practiced His truth and chosen to believe it despite all appearances to the contrary; with a heart filled with the humility of knowing that we are utterly dependent on Him for wisdom and power, as well as life itself; with a heart that is fully turned and committed to holiness in every area of life, then when we go to pick up the weapons of our warfare, we will find that we already have them on. (Referring to truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, the Word of God – as listed in Eph. 6:14-17). And if we have been wearing our battle dress all along, then we’ll have greater facility in using it when it is needed during those inevitable times of trial and temptation.

Spiritual warfare simply involves using the power of God, the wisdom of God, the discernment of God, the peace of God, the faith of God and the love of God to proclaim the will of God at any given moment. It is in the midst of the honor that we have to proclaim the glory of God and His already accomplished victory (see Psalms 149:1, 5), that those things that He already has willed, come to pass. With the prayer and the praise of our heart, released in the full faith and confidence that results from an intimate knowing of Him, the forces of heaven are released to engage and to defeat the enemy.

So, it’s easy to see how a process of change and growth is necessary for all of this to come about. And it all starts with step one. My guess is that those who live in the defeat of habitual sin are those who have not yet fully fallen in love with Jesus. They have not yet received the depth of revelation of His love and awesome beauty that transforms the heart and mind. Rather than spending copious hours psychoanalyzing these folks, why not take them afresh to the throne of the Almighty King of Kings – back to the simple, profound truth of His glory and grace. I speak not in theory, but as one who has been healed of numerous severe, lifelong sinful addictions and obsessions. This is the way of God’s permanent deliverance and healing. For man, it seems too simple. But once again, God has chosen to make foolish the wisdom of man through the simple truths of His gospel.

In summary then, what are the primary causes for a failure to find deliverance from ongoing sin? They are: