Compiled by John Pearson —
Mark the verses as True or False as to whether they are found in the Bible:
- “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.”
2.”Blessed is the man who wakes before dawn, for he shall claim the first parking space at the temple.”
3.“Another time, Elisha was on his way to Bethel and some little kids came out from the town and taunted him, ‘What’s up, old baldhead! Out of our way, skinhead!’ Elisha turned, took one look at them, and cursed them in the name of God. Two bears charged out of the underbrush and knocked them about, ripping them limb from limb—42 children in all!”
4.”And the sluggard said, ‘Verily, I shall turn over once more, for there is yet a little sleep in mine eyes, and the sun is but young in the sky.'”
5.“If someone blesses his neighbor at dawn with a loud voice, it will be reckoned to him as a curse.”
6. “Thou shalt not lay claim to the last piece of unleavened bread, lest strife arise among thee and thy brethren.”
7. “If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.”
8.”As the camel is to the eye of the needle, so is the impatient driver to the narrow road; behold, he shall not pass.”
9.“But Ehud put forth his left hand and took the sword from his right thigh and thrust it into Eglon’s belly; in such a manner that the haft also went in after the blade, and the fat closed upon the blade so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly, and the excrement came out.”
10.”And lo, the elder spake unto the congregation, saying, ‘If thine phone doth ring during the sermon, great shall be thy shame and mighty thy regret.’”
11.“Then He said to me, Behold, I will let you use cow’s dung instead of human dung, and you shall prepare your food with it.”
12.”A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but too much laughter in the house of the Lord shall make the elders uneasy.”
13.“Your teeth are like a flock of sheep about to be sheared, sheep that come up from the washing. All of them bear twins, and not one has lost its young.”
14.”Yea, though I walk through the valley of the buffet, I shall fear no calories, for my plate runneth over.”
15. “Yahweh opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, ‘What did I do to you that you struck me these three times?’”
16. “Go forth and multiply, but do not forget to carry the one.”
17.“Then the Lord said, ‘Just as My servant Isaiah has walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and a wonder against Egypt and Ethiopia…’”
18.”And the Lord said unto the people, ‘Behold, I have given unto thee the coffee bean, that thou mayest stay awake through the sermon and not be as the sluggard who slumbereth in the pew.’”
19.”And a young man named Eutychus, sitting at the window, sank into a deep sleep as Paul talked still longer. And being overcome by sleep, he fell down from the third story and was taken up dead.”
20.”For where two or three are gathered in my name, there shall be a committee formed, and great shall be the length of their meeting.”
- T Proverbs 25:24-26 – The Message)
- F (First Hesitations 3:2 – Jerusalem Bible)
- T (2 Kings 2:23-24 – The Message)
- F (Procrastinations 6:9 – The Cool Teen’s Bible)
- T (Proverbs 27:14 – New Catholic Bible)
- F (Second Opinions 4:7 – Harvest Bible)
- T (Deuteronomy 25:11-12, New International Version)
- F (Traffications 12:3 – The DMV Bible)
- T (Judges 3:21-22 – Jubilee Bible)
- F (Disruptions 1:8 – Verizon’s Horizons Bible)
- T (Ezekiel 4:15 – Amplified Bible, Classic Edition)
- F (Reverberations 5:12 – Prairie Bible Institute Bible)
- T (Song of Solomon 4:2 – Names of God Bible, NOG)
- F (Potluck 23:4 – Doctor Amen’s Keto Bible)
- T (Numbers 22:28 – Lexham English Bible)
- F (Mathematics 7:12 – Pythagorean Bible)
- T (Isaiah 20:3 – New King James Version)
- F (Caffeinations 2:15 – St. Starbucks New Testament)
- T (Acts 20:9 – (Disciples’ Literal New Testament)
- F (Deliberations 9:27 – The Methodist Common Bible)
HOW DID YOU SCORE?
20 correct: You’re preaching next Sunday!
15-19 correct: You are a Bible Scholar!
10-14 correct: You are a Bible Student!
6-9 correct: Do you own a Bible?
1-5 correct: Please schedule a meeting with a pastor or elder!
