Woman upset she survived suicide, until God told her she escaped hell

By Charles Gardner —

Esther Jordan is living in victory – even preaching at a church by that name! But it wasn’t always like that. After the effects of sexual abuse at a very young age were compounded by never sharing her pain, she tried to end her life.

“I took handfuls of pills from an old biscuit tin my mum had kept over the years, swallowing them down with a pop drink,” she recalled after attending a Prayer for Israel meeting in South Wales.

She was not expecting to wake up. But she did, though her head was swirling, and the room would not stop spinning. But she was mad with God for keeping her alive.

“Do you really hate me that much that you will not allow me to die?” she silently screamed at her Maker (she shared the room with her sister).

Then she discerned these terrifying words: “I have saved you from the lake of fire.” Whether audible or not, she could not tell.

“This sent goosebumps all over my body. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing on edge. I knew I’d had an encounter with God Almighty.”

But she initially became a ‘God-hater’, leaving home at just 17 when her parents returned to the Caribbean. She was angry, confused and not so street-wise – surviving on bread and water and the occasional chocolate bar and doing all the things she said she never would do.

“I was smoking, drinking, doing drugs and selling weed, living in a squat and making money by hosting raves in ‘my house’, surrounded by criminals who had become my family.

“Crime Watch UK (a TV program of the time) was like a comedy show with so many people from Hackney (in London) you would recognize. It never occurred to me to dob them in and get my community action trust award.

“I could see that my life was spiralling out of control and, before I turned 18, I was in trouble with the police. That’s when I cried out to God for help.”

Thanks to the efforts of a social worker, she was offered a flat and soon found a job as a clerk for a patent company in Holborn, London, by which time she was having a love-hate relationship with God. When things went her way, she would thank him, but if they went sour, he wasn’t her friend.

“It always came back to the same question: Why am I here?” she told me.
Then one day a work colleague announced: “Guess what everyone, I’m a born-again Christian!”

“I was just 20 and it was a time of real soul-searching for me. I have always believed there is a God who is real and who created heaven and earth and everything in it. As conversations got heated around evolution, I found myself being ever more convinced in God. But why did he hate me? Why were my few years of existence so miserable?”

Her friend was a big football fan, always having his football gear with him. But then one day he came to work with a huge Bible. When Esther challenged him over why he didn’t feel ashamed for being so brazen about his faith, he retorted: “If Jesus was to return right now, I know where I stand.”

“Such powerful words,” Esther recalled. “I was so convicted and wanted the same confidence of being sure about my future. But I was so aware of my sins, which sparked conversations about why Jesus was born to die and take on the sins of the world.

“Within a week, I found myself in church searching for truth. But the truth found me. The sermon was about Jesus being the Good Shepherd who gives his life for the sheep who hear his voice. And that, when you follow Jesus, you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.

“So I returned to work on Monday morning and said: ‘Guess what everyone, I’m a born-again Christian!’ Not another one, I heard someone say! But Derwent Publications Ltd, 1989, got to hear the undiluted gospel of Jesus Christ. I had found purpose at last, and life was worth living.

“Now, aged 55 (35 years later), I am still here…living for Jesus who has given me the hope of eternity and the power to change lives through the words of my story. I dare you to let Jesus into your heart to turn your life around for his glory. You will see that it will all come good in the end.”

Esther is among the leaders of the Victory Church in Cwmbran, South Wales, is married to Alfred, and they have two grown-up children, both living in London.